Ruth’s Bold Request: Lessons in Asking for Favors and Seeking Noble Character

Reflections

As we continue looking at the book of Ruth, Ruth starts to become settled into her new community in the town of Bethlehem. Both Ruth and Naomi realize that they need help to get out of poverty and survive. In the first few weeks, Ruth is able to glean enough barley to keep the two of them fed and their basic needs met, but they realize that it probably isn’t going to be a great long term solution. As Naomi watches Boaz help the two of them, the wheels in her brain start turning and she realizes that Boaz might be receptive to becoming a kinsman redeemer. The only difficulty is that Ruth is going to have to ask for his help!

Given the fact that Ruth is gleaning the fields, rather than receiving support from Naomi’s relatives, it becomes apparent that however Boaz is related to them, it isn’t a particularly close relationship. If it were a closer relationship, he probably would have been shamed into helping the two of them sooner. We learn that there is one person in the community that is a closer relation than Boaz, but again, he isn’t close enough to offer unquestioned assistance.

As Naomi ponders the idea that Boaz is very generous with Ruth as she gleans in the fields, Naomi hatches a plan for Ruth to ask for Boaz’s hand in marriage, invoking the duty and responsibilities of a kinsman redeemer. Quite bold! I’m not sure I would have been able to ask a new acquaintance to marry me! Despite any misgivings Ruth may have had, she did it!

Looking at how Ruth approached the asking of the gigantic favor of marriage, there are lessons that we can learn as we ask others for favors. The main characteristics I see Ruth exhibiting are credibility, allowance of another to save face, humility, respect, and patience.

Credibility

Ruth’s most significant asset is her unwavering credibility. Her actions and words consistently align with her values, making her a reliable and trustworthy individual. Without that, it would be incredibly difficult to convince a near stranger to marry her. In everything she has done since her return, Ruth has shown herself to be a woman of noble character and a valuable member of her new community.

Ruth 3:11 (WEB) - A Memory Verse — **Read:** Ruth 3:11 – A Memory Verse with Discussion Questions

So, what did Ruth do to earn this praise?

Ruth decided that she wanted to make Naomi’s God her own and decided that since Naomi was likely the only Jewish person she knew, Naomi would be her spiritual mentor.
Ruth made a pledge to stay with Naomi and care for her.
Ruth kept her promises, even when it became difficult, and proved to be a hard worker.

As I think about building up my own credibility, do my actions match my words, and do they align with God’s word? It is easy to tell a person that you will pray for them, but it is much harder to provide practical support when they need it. I still remember having two groups of Christian friends when I ended up injured to the point that I could not drive for over a month. One group said they would pray for me and offered to help, but with few exceptions, had a difficulty making time to follow through. The other group prayed for me, but also organized a group of people to drive my kids to school, picked up groceries for me, and drove me to physical therapy. Which group had more credibility showed commitment to Christian community? I would like to think that I fit into the latter, but it is often easier to slip into the former.

Allowance of Another to Save Face

At first look, Naomi’s plan for Ruth to go to Boaz in the middle of the night is quite scandalous, but it you take her character and Boaz’s character into account, there is a more reasonable possibility. Ruth’s request is big, really big. It is no trivial request to ask a near stranger to marry you and rescue both yourself and your mother-in-law from poverty. Many people theorize that she wanted to ask him to help when the two of them were alone so that if he didn’t want to help, he wouldn’t lose face. Given that it was the middle of the harvest season, there was very little time when he was alone and it may have been the only possible time for her to approach him.

Since Boaz was a close enough relation to be considered a kinsman redeemer, it would have looked like he was shirking his Godly duty if he said no. On the other hand, Ruth and Naomi realize that this is a big request and even with a Biblical command to do so, it may be more than he was willing to take on. What if there was a girl that he was secretly wooing and was hoping to marry her soon? By going to him in secret and presenting a proposal of marriage in secret, it would only be the two of them that would be aware of the embarrassment and shame if he said no.

When I think about how to apply this in my own life, do I allow people to give me a no answer, or do I shame them into saying yes? My experience is that when someone says yes of their own free will, they tend to put more energy and enthusiasm into the help. When someone is shamed into helping, they may either drop the ball or be resentful the entire time that you are working together. Given a choice, I prefer a cheerful helper! But sometime, I am desperate for help and try to get it with any means needed. How awful would it be if I shamed someone into marrying me, and then they resented me for the rest of our lives?

Humility and Respect

Ruth is also very humble and respectful in her proposal of marriage. While she could be found in a compromising situation if she is discovered, everything is done with humility and respect.

When Ruth tries to wake Boaz up, she does not startle him, but instead uncovers his feet. Possibly this was to make him cold enough to wake up on his own. If this was the case, uncovering his feet was much more respectable than uncovering other parts of his body.

Lying at his feet also conveys both humility and respect. When Mary wanted to learn from Jesus, Mary sat at his feet in a position of humility and willingness to learn. It is possible that Ruth was trying to convey the same attitude.

She had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.
Luke 10:39 (WEB)

By choosing to lie at Boaz’s feet, Ruth is respecting Boaz by avoiding the connotation that she is trying to seduce him. A seductress might snuggle up to a sleeping man’s side and convince him to make love to her. If this would have happened, Ruth could have demanded marriage. By lying at his feet, she is close to Boaz, but not close enough for him to get the wrong idea about her or be tempted by her as he woke from sleep.

The request is also respectful. When Ruth asks Boaz to spread his garment over her, she is most likely not asking him to have sex, but she is instead asking him to provide care and support in a marriage relationship. She cites the kinsman redeemer relationship as a reason for why he should comply.

Ruth also respects Boaz by not insisting on leaving in the middle of the night, despite any discomfort she may feel by spending the night in a compromising situation with a man. Most likely, Boaz was worried about Ruth’s safety in the night, so he requested that she wait until the last possible moment to leave while still being able to hide her identity from anyone awake in the wee hours of the morning.

When I ask for help, do I do it with humility and respect, or with arrogant demands? It is very easy to feel entitled when things don’t go our way. Don’t I deserve better than this? In reality, sometimes things go well for us, and sometimes they don’t. It is nice when someone helps us out of a difficult situation, but it isn’t a requirement. Entitlement is a big problem in American culture.

Patience

The last characteristic Ruth exhibits is patience. If I were Ruth, when Boaz says that he will either marry her himself or find someone else to marry her, I would probably start panicking. Ruth has some idea of Boaz’s character. Thus far, he has treated her with respect, shared meals with her, provided her with ways to take home extra barley, and more. The idea of marrying an actual stranger, rather than a near stranger, might be too much for me. My tendency would be to try and demand information about the other man or insist that Boaz is the man for me. Instead, Ruth follows Boaz’s instructions and at the proper hour, returns home to Naomi to wait for news of her fate.

If I were to pick any of the traits of the fruit of the Spirit as my weakness, patience or forbearance would be one of the top contenders.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith,gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 (WEB)

I really need to work on patience in times of uncertainty. My preference is for rash decisions simply for the sake of not having to dither and experience stress in the chaos. This usually results in anger and lack of self-control when I am forced to wait for someone else’s decision. Alas.

Fortunately, God seems to know our weaknesses and gives us plenty of opportunities to gain strength. With each failure, it is important to double down on prayer and wisdom from a spiritual mentor. While I still have a long ways to go, simply having people in my life that excel at different fruit of the Spirit is helpful in gaining wisdom for the next trial.

Let’s try to find some spiritual mentors with noble character and choose to learn from them!