Maid: Lessons about Kindness, Compassion, and Poverty from Stephanie Land’s Memoir

I just finished reading Stephanie Land’s Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive. As I read this book, I began to reflect on the attitudes that many people have for the poor. Whether we are Christian or non-Christian, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of distinction in our attitudes. What does this say about Christians? As Christians, aren’t we are supposed to be reflecting the heart of Jesus by showing kindness and compassion? Sadly, many of us completely fail when we encounter people who are stuck in poverty with little way to get out.

Heart of Jesus

Here is a parable that Jesus told to highlight interactions with the poor, sick, and needy:

³⁴Then the King will tell those on his right hand, ‘Come, blessed of my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; ³⁵for I was hungry and you gave me food to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you took me in. ³⁶I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me.’

³⁷“Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink? ³⁸When did we see you as a stranger and take you in, or naked and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and come to you?’

⁴⁰“The King will answer them, ‘Most certainly I tell you, because you did it to one of the least of these my brothers,^[a] you did it to me.’ ⁴¹Then he will say also to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire which is prepared for the devil and his angels; ⁴²for I was hungry, and you didn’t give me food to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me no drink; ⁴³I was a stranger, and you didn’t take me in; naked, and you didn’t clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’

⁴⁴“Then they will also answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and didn’t help you?’

⁴⁵“Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Most certainly I tell you, because you didn’t do it to one of the least of these, you didn’t do it to me.’ ⁴⁶These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
Matthew 25:34-46 (WEB)

This last verse seems particularly harsh, but makes the point about Jesus’ feelings on this matter quite clear. So, what does it mean to help? There are plenty of people who believe that giving money to addicts is not helpful, and while that may be true, what about all the poor people who simply had something unfortunate happen and don’t seem to be able to dig themselves out? Stephanie’s book shows us that regardless of the circumstances of poverty, the government and other individuals often to react out of a fear of enabling an addict and a disgust of poor choices, rather than out of a mentality where each person is treated as a unique being made in the image of God.

God created man in his own image. In God’s image he created him; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27 (WEB)

Reflecting on each individual being made in God’s image is quite helpful. When we see someone in difficulty, we should look for the person that God made them to be. No matter how broken a person might be, each of us can be redeemed and made into the person that God intended. Some people are broken by addictions, others by abuse, illness, poor decisions, or bad luck. No matter what breaks us, there is always going to be a glimmer of God’s handiwork in each of us. Let’s look for that rather than the shattered pieces.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before that we would walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10 (WEB)

Causes of Poverty

Lack of a Safety Net

In Stephanie’s case, she had the bad luck to be born into a family that was unable to provide a safety net. In addition to other problems that were hinted at, her dad was too poor to be able to provide much assistance when Stephanie needed it most.

Stephanie’s mom may have had a little more cushion to be able to help, but Stephanie’s step-father made it clear that this would not be acceptable to him, so Stephanie’s mom had to make a choice between her husband and her daughter. Stephanie lost this battle over and over again throughout the book.

Pregnancy

Very early on in Stephanie’s adult life, poor decisions entered the picture and things became even harder. She had a dream of going to college and becoming a writer, but she ended up pregnant while in an abusive relationship. Two bad choices: having premarital sex and not leaving a partner who showed abusive tendencies. It is unfortunate that many Christians judge these two choices so harshly.

When women have consensual sex and end up pregnant, Christians often focus on how sinful abortion is, rather than providing support for becoming a mother or facilitating adoption. In reality, this emphasis should be reversed. The church should be known for what it loves, rather than what it hates! Christians should love every life that God has created and help improve that life. This means that when a girl or woman finds out she is pregnant, we should delight in helping her make the best life possible for her child. Telling a woman to avoid abortion, but withholding resources to make that a practical reality is counterproductive. When a woman chooses life, we should celebrate and provide aid. When a woman chooses abortion, we should mourn and provide comfort. Hate is never the answer.

Even though it did not appear that Stephanie was a Christian, she chose life for her child! That should be celebrated, but instead, she was often treated like a lazy alcoholic or drug addict that was not trying her best to provide for her child. It is hard enough for a single person to survive on a minimum wage job. Instead, Stephanie was trying to provide for the two of them on a ridiculously low income. Every time she had to deal with the government to get aid, she had to take time off work to get it. Every time she managed to pick up a few extra hours of work, the government would cut her aid by almost the same amount. Every Christian should run the numbers and see what a person making minimum wage can actually afford. It is eye opening and terrifying!

If Christians want to make a real difference in helping women choose life for their children, one good way to go about it is to figure out how to get these women out of minimum wage jobs and into employment that can pay the bills. Minimum wage jobs are great for high school students, college students, and people trying to supplement their family income with a little extra; but they are terrible for the head of a household. There is no way to improve a person’s life while scraping by on minimum wage.

Stephanie eventually managed to find a way to finish college, but it didn’t come easily. Along the way, she was mocked in the grocery stores as she used food stamps, looked down upon when people saw what kind of childcare she could afford, and isolated when she couldn’t offer her daughter’s friends a snack. The church needs to figure out a way to help single mother sustain themselves and their children without judgement and mockery!

Whoever mocks the poor reproaches his Maker. He who is glad at calamity shall not be unpunished.
Proverbs 17:5 (WEB)

This could follow many different patterns. Many churches already have food pantries and clothing drives. Stephanie said that she mostly avoided these types of services because she felt like other people needed them more, but she was willing to trade cleaning services and gardening for aid. Having work programs in exchange for services could be a good way to meet needs while giving dignity. Something as simple as providing a bag of groceries for spending an hour working in a soup kitchen could be a good way to get around this issue.

At a minimum, we should be acting like Henry, one of Stephanie’s employers. He treated Stephanie like a worthwhile human being, interacted with her in a positive way, and provided small amounts of comfort and joy. As Christians, we need to figure out how to love people wherever they are! Be a Henry!

Abuse

Stephanie’s other major obstacle was in her choices in boyfriends. Mia’s father was emotionally abusive and it took Stephanie a while to decide to leave. Once she did leave, she still had to have interactions with him every time she brought Mia to visit, which also resulted having to deal with emotional abuse put onto Mia during these interactions.

Whenever a woman or child is in an abusive relationship, the church needs to figure out a way to help, or at least not make things worse. When abuse is happening in a marriage relationships, many churches will tell women that they need to forgive their spouse and return. This is terrible! Forgiveness is good, but return before abusive patterns have been removed is not!

Just like in cases of pregnancy, the church often seems to choose hatred of divorce over love of healthy relationships. This needs to be reversed. The church should be focusing on helping the abusive partner figure out how to change their ways, rather than having a primary focus of encouraging the abused to forgive and re-enter a relationship before true change has happened. Yes, the abused will be better off if forgiveness is chosen, but forgiving, forgetting, and reentering the relationship are completely different things. It is possible to forgive without choosing to place yourself in a dangerous situation. The church needs to improve in this area.

Relationships of Convenience

After extracting herself from an abusive relationship, Stephanie moved in with a hard working and mostly decent man, but it seemed to be a relationship of convenience rather than love. One problem that many women in poverty have is the lack of decent housing and a common solution is to move in with a boyfriend to get cheap rent. As long as this happens, many women allow themselves to be used by men in trade for a more comfortable life. More pregnancies tend to happen, and the cycle continues. In many ways, Stephanie was quite fortunate to not get pregnant in this relationship, but other women are not so lucky.

When the church sees this happening, rather than condemning the choice to move in together before marriage, the church should be focusing on finding ways to help with affordable housing. Just like in every other example in this article, the church should be focusing on choosing love rather than hate. When we choose to help people find love of independence and give them a way to do so, problems of cohabitation out of desperate need will disappear.

If a church has a young adult ministry, they could be creating lists of people looking for roommates. By pairing up same gender roommates, there is less of a need to be dependent on a boyfriend or girlfriend for cheap rent.

When a church is known for the love that they give, and the solutions that they facilitate, it leaves room for the church to talk about why they structure things the way that they do. By providing a way to avoid cohabitation, it then gives a logical platform for the church to describe why they feel that their way is better. When poverty and desperation cause people to move in together, there is little the church can say that makes practical sense.

But whoever has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, then closes his heart of compassion against him, how does God’s love remain in him? My little children, let’s not love in word only, or with the tongue only, but in deed and truth.
1 John 3:17-18 (WEB)

Take the desperation away, and suddenly, the church can be heard. Just make sure that if you do try to take away the desperation that you do not act like Stephanie’s landlord, Alice. At first, Stephanie’s new living situation was a dream: reduced rent in exchange for cleaning and gardening, no mold, other children for her daughter to play with, and companionship with other adults. But when Alice encountered some financial difficulty, she accused Stephanie of not holding up her end of the reduced rent exchange, fired Stephanie, and told her that she would have to pay the full rent. If something comes up where you cannot continue to provide aid and assistance, at least have the courtesy to tell the truth!

Lying lips are an abomination to Yahweh, but those who do the truth are his delight.
Proverbs 12:22 (WEB)

Conclusions

There is a lot that Christians can learn from reading Stephanie Land’s Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive. If you choose to read it, really reflect on your personal attitude toward poverty, your church’s attitude towards poverty, and changes that could be made in both cases to start reflecting the heart of Jesus.

In case you are curious, there is also a Netflix TV series based on this book! The story line is a little different, but it gives an interesting look into the life of a single mother struggling with escaping abuse while finances are grim.

Respond

In the comments, list ways that the church can choose to show love and give aid to people stuck in poverty. I do not want to hear any messages of hate!